forgive too easily?

You know those days where you feel selfish? I'm being completely ungrateful and i just can't help it. Selfish and bitter is how I feel right now.

I hate when you think you have loyal people in your life, and all they do is let you down over and over again. And for me, I'm a very forgiving person, that is one of my weaknesses. Someone could run me over with their car and if I really wanted to forgive them I would. Thats what scares me about myself. Something I fear for my future.

How many times is enough? I can't ever answer that question for myself. I think part of it is, I would rather forgive someone then have them be gone from my life forever even though they don't deserve to be in it. There is alot of people that have been huge parts of my life that did NOT deserve it in the least bit and I beat myself up over it a lot.

I am so sick and tired of being taken advantage of. And I completely take responsibility for letting it happen. I hate confronting issues, I hate talking about things that people do to me that bother me. Sometimes I would rather just suck it up and keep it all in and I know thats not healthy at all.

I keep telling myself to grow a back bone and when someone is disrespectful to me to stand up for myself. I tell myself this, and I believe I will do it, until I'm in the situation again and I'm too scared that if I stand up for myself the person will walk out of my life and then I will tell myself it was my fault. When I know very well it's not.

Sometimes I wish I could just walk away from situations knowing I did nothing wrong and that would make me stronger.

I'm just too weak to do it.